December 20, 2009 | Funny Bits

The perfect penis

We dropped math in high school the second we were allowed. So you will understand our horror when a blogger claimed to have come up with the formula - a mathematical formula - for the perfect phallus.

Blogger Mrs Candy at the Perfect Phallus did the math. And maybe she's on to something; after all she created a website that exists for the sole purpose of sharing images of, well, pretty penises.

"It is my absolute belief that the beauty of any particular Phallus lies not in its overall length," she writes, "but in the balance of its proportions - the ratios of head to shaft, length to girth, the formation and angles of the glans ... the uniformity of Phallic hue and texture.

"The beauty of the Phallus lies in its proportions."

Phallic Ratio = (y1/x)*(1-((y1-y2)*(y1-y3)))

So we got out our calculators, hired a couple hot temps to check, fluff, and double check the figures and we can say, without an ounce of doubt, math still sucks.

Penis beauty, like art, is really in the eye of the beholder and the tightness of one's ass.