March 1, 2013 | Funny Bits

Porn connoisseur's special collection stolen

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The only thing worse than a burglar is a horny burglar!

Earlie Johnson, who fashions himself a porn connoisseur, returned to his Muskegon, Michigan home last week, only to discover that the porn collection it had taken him years to assemble had been stolen.

Sure, three flat-screen TVs were also taken, but Johnson was most concerned about his naughty DVDs.

"We parked in the back and noticed our door was ajar. The house had been broken into," said Johnson. "Our drawers had been ransacked."

"I went in the bedroom and I told him 'Oh, you really getting ready to be mad,' explained Angela Morton, Johnson's fiancé. 'He said why? I said 'all your porn is gone.'"

"I had a sinking feeling because my porn collection is valuable, man," Johnson explained.

This was not your typical vintage Playboy and Penthouse collection. Johnson collects rare performances by black adult film stars that he said are difficult to find.

"I had a collection that had every African American that's ever been in porn, from the 70s up until now," explained Johnson. "My collection was the best in Michigan-- a guy in Connecticut told me that," said Johnson. (And guys in Connecticut know their porn!)

"I'm not no scum bag guy, pervert, or nothing like that-- I just thought it was cool to own my own porn collection," said Johnson. "It keeps my relationship fresh and tight, and I learn stuff that I can use on her."

On the bright side, Monarchy Distribution has offered Johnson 200 brand-new DVDs, as well as two tickets to the Adult Entertainment Expo. And offers to help rebuild the collection are coming in from others as well.

As for suspects, police don't have any leads but are following a trail of wadded up tissues.

Michigan man claims his $7.5K vintage black porn collection stolen [The Grio]

Earlie Johnson's Stolen Porn Collection Replenished By Porn Companies [The Huffington Post]